My name is Casey

Like Most Revelations

It is the movement that incites the form,
discovered as a downward rapture--yes,
it is the movement that delights the form,
sustained by its own velocity.And yet

it is the movement that delays the form
while darkness slows and encumbers; in fact
it is the movement that betrays the form,
baffled in such toils of ease, until

it is the movement that deceives the form,
beguiling our attention--we supposed
it is the movement that achieves the form.
Were we mistaken? What does it matter if

it is the movement that negates the form?
Even though we give (give up) ourselves
to this mortal process of continuing,
it is the movement that creates the form.

Richard Howard


You turn to me with frozen lips
Your hands are icy cold
Your eyes burn bright against the frostbit sky
You never seemed more lovely than you do tonight
Pale on the horizon,
Like leaves frozen on the snow
Our two shadows merge inseperably
And time stands still as its pierced with cold

The more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
I love you

There's a warmth in my heart
That haunts me when you're gone
Mend me to your side,
Never let go
So time knows nothing
We'll never grow cold
The more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
I love you
Twilight descends on our silhouette
How soon spring comes
How soon spring forgets
I wanna hold time, say it'll never begin
Old man winter, be our friend
Old man winter, be our friend
The more I live
The more I know
What's simple is true
What's simple is true
I love you
I love you

designed by jo naz

Monday, November 29, 2004

 

I think perhaps I need a change of perspective. Seeing things from my point of view is growing burdensome... it all boils itself down to some flawed dichotomy and silly stereotypes.

I want to be inside your skin; I want to see myself from different eyes. I want to see what you see when you look at me. It all seems so mysterious... To get inside your mind, and see what you believe would be so fulfilling, somehow. The ultimate of subjective realities is contained inside the few cubic inches within your head... My reality is feeling rather.. surreal.

Perhaps it's my recent bipolar tendencies, the constant challenges to how I view myself, or the debate style refrain from anything being concrete... Most likely some combination thereof... But regardless... what is in my mind seems questionable; the tabloid to the respected journal.

I can't even make sense of myself anymore... I don't really get my motivations. I find myself making excuses, logically pacifying... I take actions I know make no sense, and after they are completed try to make sense of them.
--------------------------------------
I saw tony on my way to school this morning. I pass in front of the rainbow entrance to del rey every morning... and this morning I was cut off by tony in the process. I was stunned. I couldn't speak or move or breathe. The fact that I was driving seemed incredible to me-- all I remember was being stunned by the ease in which he lives his life. I wish we were all so fucking lucky.

I wish that I could do simple things like drive from place to place without having some fragment of my past attack me and leave me helpless for a few moments until i can regain control over myself. I wish that my conscience were as clear as his.

How can he live with himself?

Maybe it's because I'm female. Maybe it's because my mom was raped. Maybe it's because I'm not impulsive. Maybe it's because I'm fucking human but I have enough sympathy for the plight of any given person that I don't do well watching a pigeon with a broken leg hobble around much less taking positive action to permanently harm someone and then passing it off as their fault. Maybe... maybe... no. no..

See what I mean?... Disproportionate reactions. He was driving to school. People do that. That is no reason for me to freak out over his supposedly clear conscience. Is there? I don't know anymore. I've never watched someone have this happen to them. I don't know how I'm supposed to respond.

I let myself cry for the first few days. I don't know if I'm supposed to do that now. When I feel like crying... should I? When I don't feel like crying... should I?

I know that there is a correct and incorrect way to feel... I just don't know what that is.

I need a different perspective...

I love you |8:47 PM